Better Left Unsaid
by knightshade
Summary: Beverly has some good news for JeanLuc, only he doesn't quite see it that way.


Title: Better Left Unsaid  
Author: knightshade  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Beverly has some good news for Jean-Luc, although he doesn't quite see it that way.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. See Paramount.

Author's Notes: Thank you to Tomy for the beta read.

**Better Left Unsaid**

Jean-Luc Picard entered the lounge, and was immediately hailed by the beautiful beacon of Beverly's fiery red hair. She smiled and waved to him, a flippant gesture that sent his head spinning despite every effort to the contrary. He quickly cut through the crowd to join her at her table.

"Hello, Jean-Luc," Beverly said as he pulled out a chair and sat across from her. He couldn't help the grin that had stretched across his face.

"How are you?" he asked as she sipped from a tall, slender glass containing an unidentifiable red liquid.

"I'm enjoying my time off. It's nice to have a break. And you?"

"A Starfleet Captain's job is never done," he said, grandly. "Do you have any plans?"

"I think I'm just going to take it easy and enjoy my leave. I have a report to finish on the research project I did with Dr. Temkara, but that's about it."

"Was your project successful?"

"Yes it was. Dr. Temkara was happy with the results. But it certainly was challenging some days. We had a couple of very difficult patients. You'd think they'd be well-behaved since they volunteered for the study, but some of them certainly tried my patience."

Jean-Luc laughed. "Perhaps they just like to put up a fuss first. Some people don't like to admit that they need a doctor."

Beverly lowered her chin and gave him a reproachful look from under her brow. "That's no excuse for making my job difficult."

"I would have thought you'd enjoy the challenge," he said, goading her, while thinking of his own aversion to doctors.

She had been absent-mindedly stirring her drink with her straw, but she stopped and used it to point at him instead. "The challenge was **supposed** to be in the medicine, not the patients."

"People are always a challenge. Do you think all of my officers behave themselves?"

"To your face they do," Beverly said, impishly.

"And what is that supposed to mean, Beverly Crusher? What have my officers been up to behind my back?"

"Oh, nothing," she said coyly. "But officers always seem to find ways of having fun, orders or not."

Jean-Luc laughed, knowing that was the truth. There was a difference between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. Officers often found room to maneuver between the two. "I think I'll need to keep a closer eye on them then."

"Just don't tell them I told you," she said, shaking her finger at him playfully. "I don't want them blaming me for tighter regs."

"It will be our little secret," he said, thrilled to be sharing something with her, even though it was only in jest.

"Speaking of officers, I think mine's finally arrived," she said motioning toward the door.

Jean-Luc turned and saw Jack Crusher approaching through the crowd. Jean-Luc felt the familiar unease forming in his stomach and leaned back in his chair, subconsciously putting more distance between himself and Beverly.

"Hi guys. Sorry I'm late. I got held up onboard. They were having difficulty with the instruments in Astrometrics. You'd think the captain would be on board to oversee the retrofits, but it seems he's busy chatting up med students at the bar," Jack joked. He stopped to put his hands on Beverly's shoulders. When she turned to look up at him, he gave her a peck on the cheek. The display of affection made Jean-Luc uncomfortable, like he was intruding on what should have been a private moment.

"Captains are notorious for making engineers nervous. I'm just doing my part to ensure that everything gets installed correctly," Jean-Luc replied, trying to match his friend's good humor.

Jack looked down at the table and realized that Jean-Luc didn't have a drink. "What can I get you?" he asked.

"Scotch on the rocks," Jean-Luc said off-handedly.

"Be right back."

Jean-Luc watched as Jack threaded his way through the crowd, suddenly feeling anxious about being left alone with Beverly.

"So did you finish that paper you were working on, about the ruins of Tinet 4?" she asked pleasantly.

"The first draft is done." He was flattered that she remembered. "I haven't had a chance to do any polishing. And I'm afraid it needs a lot of polishing."

"I could give it a read, if you'd like," she offered.

"Unfortunately, I don't think it's quite ready for that." Jean-Luc didn't want her to see it now -- with all of its mistakes and little errors. "And I'm sure you have plenty of medical textbooks to read for next semester's classes."

"Actually, I'm taking the next two semesters off."

Jean-Luc was stunned. "Why?" She had always seemed so dedicated to medicine.

Beverly smiled and glanced over toward the bar. "It's a long story. I'll explain in a minute."

Jack returned and set the scotch down in front of Jean-Luc before taking his seat next to Beverly. "So, have you told him yet?" he asked her.

"No," she said, her face lighting up, "I was waiting for you."

The way they were speaking made Jean-Luc feel like an outsider.

"We have some wonderful news," Jack said putting his arm on Beverly's shoulder.

"I'm four months pregnant," Beverly said, her eyes alight with excitement.

They were both beaming expectantly and Jean-Luc felt his throat tighten. Smile, he thought. He needed to smile. He consciously forced his cheek muscles to move, knowing the hollow smile wasn't going to reach his eyes. "Congratulations," he said, the word as gritty and dry as sawdust. He swallowed the sinking feeling that followed and bottled it up with the rest of the tightness in his chest. "That's wonderful."

Jean-Luc felt like he was light years away, listening to the conversation through a very bad audio connection. Vaguely he heard himself asking questions but only half-hearing their gushing responses. Did they know the baby's sex? No, they wanted it to be a surprise. Had they talked about names? Yes, Wesley or Shannon. How was she feeling? Fine, just fine. Well, a little morning sickness, and more tired than usual, but nothing to complain about.

She told him about all the foods she was suddenly craving and how excited they were. She was beaming, more happy than he had seen her in a while.

He wanted to yell or throw something - anything to let out the horrible feeling that was trapped inside of him. Instead he held onto his synthetic smile and tried to guess how long he would have to stay and make baby small talk before it was appropriate to finally leave, to escape from the painful bonds of their friendship. To have to care so much for someone and see her so happy with another was agonizing.

"So you're taking time off from medical school to have the baby?"

"Yes, but just the next two semesters. The timing couldn't be better with the Stargazer scheduled to be in the solar system for the next six months. And Dr. Temkara agreed to let me stay on as his research assistant until the baby is born." She paused and then hurriedly added, "Assuming, of course, that you approve."

Jean-Luc scrambled to think of a legitimate reason to say 'no' but of course there wasn't one. Beverly had spent her summer break aboard the Stargazer helping Dr. Temkara and he had been very pleased with her work. "Of course. It would be lovely to have you aboard again."

"Great," Jack said. "We're going to try to spend as much time together as possible over the next few months. It's been such a whirlwind lately."

"We just decided to slow it down a bit with the baby on the way," Beverly added.

"Of course."

"And we have a favor to ask you too," Jack said, still smiling, always smiling. "We know it's a little early for this, but there was really nothing to discuss since we both agreed completely. Would you consider being our baby's godfather?

"I'd be honored," _to stick my hand even further into the burning fire that your family is to me_._ Why wouldn't I be? I've turned self-torment into an art form. _

Jean-Luc tried to keep the horror off his face. Why had they picked him? He didn't even like children. But there they were, grinning at him from across the table, oblivious. They thought he'd be happy to be their child's godfather. And why shouldn't he be?

It seemed like a very long time before the conversation finally wound down. Jean-Luc had seen Beverly yawn a few times and he knew he could finally beg forgiveness, claim he had an early day tomorrow, and escape.

- - -

Jean-Luc slowly entered his quarters, listening to the gentle hiss of the door closing behind him. For several minutes he stared at the floor in front of him. This didn't change anything. What difference did it make? He had always known she couldn't be his. Beverly was his best friend's wife, how could the fact that they were having a baby make things any worse? But it did, somehow.

He leaned back against the door a few moments, trying to sift through his tangled thoughts. Finally Jean-Luc flopped down on the couch, his hands resting idly on the cushions as he stared at the field of stars in his window. It did make things worse.

He hoped there was no such thing as a soul mate, or 'one true love.' He hoped that fairy tale was as outdated as the book it was written in. If it was true, someone had gotten to his soul mate first. Not just someone, but his best friend.

Would it really matter if it were someone other than Jack?Obviously she was in love with someone else, and it wasn't his right to interfere. But it was so hard to see her laugh with Jack, look at him lovingly, and hold his hand -- all things that Jean-Luc wanted from her more than he could say.

And then there was the stupid nonsense that filled his head. What if they got divorced or Jack died, then maybe he and Beverly would have a chance. They were stupid fantasies that he had no business even thinking about. He didn't wish his friends ill. How could he?

Because he loved her.

It had been slow at first. They spent so much time talking and he had never felt that level of rapport with anyone else. He didn't have to explain everything to her, somehow she just knew what he was saying. She was intelligent and introspective. Inexplicably, her opinions were vitally important to him. He had found himself filing away topics that would be interesting to talk to Beverly about. It had all seemed so innocent at first. Innocent and stupid.

She was everything he wanted and the one thing he couldn't have. And now, in half a year she and Jack would have a new baby to bond over and care for. It was a part of her world that he couldn't share. Jean-Luc worried that he would see less and less of her, of them. They would have no more than a passing moment for him in between getting the baby fed and changed, or whatever else it was that parents did.

And maybe that was for the best. As agonizing as the thought of seeing less of Beverly was, perhaps it was what he needed. He knew that watching her slip away was going to tear out his heart. But maybe once she was really gone, maybe when she was just a familiar face in the corridors, carrying a baby, maybe then he could finally move on.

Jean-Luc tipped his head back against the cushions and closed his eyes. Yes, somehow he had to find a way to move on.

--------------------  
-knightshade  
August 8, 2005


End file.
